Summer Resolutions

I was reflecting on my list of things I would like to accomplish this summer and I was feeling very optimistic. But I feel like there are a few things missing from the list in the way of personal and spiritual growth. There are some things about myself that are keeping me from true happiness and keeping me from being in full relationship with my kids, with my husband, and with God. This post may seem a bit self-centered but if I am not living up to my full potential as a mama, how can I take care of this family?

1. My temper. I am able to brush most things off. When my husband forgets about something we were supposed to do, I just simply realize that he is human, we all forget things and it is kind of silly to think that he forgot on purpose just to tick me off. And I afford this rationale to complete strangers as well. When another driver does something crazy in traffic I think, "Oh, perhaps he didn't see the sign or maybe he is lost or not familiar with the area." Nothing really phases me out and about in this great world . . .  except my own children.

Isn't that crazy? I am willing to give complete strangers the benefit of the doubt but when I ask Shannon to go get his shoes on and he doesn't do it, I fly off the handle and automatically think, "Why is he trying to make me mad?!" And that is when I yell at him and behave like a child. As I sit here typing this, I can be rational and know that Shannon simply got distracted. He was not thinking, "I really like it when my mom is mad at me so I am not going to put my shoes on." My overreactions to Shannon's behavior is my biggest struggle right now. Once I go into anger mode, it is almost impossible for me to effectively discipline him. Discipline comes from the Latin "disciplinaire" which means "to teach". It does not mean "to punish". I can not teach him to make the right choices when he is crying and upset after being yelled at.


I was recently talking to two moms, in separate circles, who seem to struggle with their anger as well and in very similar situations so I know that I am not alone in this. Not to say it is okay, just that we can help each other. Knowing that there are others like me, I wanted to list some of the resources that I am finding helpful right now in my struggle.

Resources:
Parenting with Grace: Catholic Parent's Guide to Raising almost Perfect Kids by Greg and Lisa Popcak. This is a great resource for all parents. One of the first chapters discusses how important having a good rapport with your children is. And I must say, Stacey and I are kind of awesome in this department. Even though I lose my temper and handle stressful situations poorly, my kids love being with me and doing things together because I tell them I love them about 50 times a day (probably more times actually), and I hug them and kiss them about 50 times a day, we play together, we pray together, we work together, and we rejoice in their successes. So, right away, I knew there was hope for me. The next section is pretty much techniques for everyday dicipline. The preventative maintenance if you will. And then a section on correcting behavior. And then a whole mess of awesome information after that. Even though I have read this book before, I am re-reading the first sections very slowly and carefully, with intention, and really working through it.

When Anger Hurts Your Kids by Matthew McKay. This is another book that I believe all parents could gain from. Basically anger is caused by stress and trigger thoughts so this book works on decreasing stress (which could also be any sort of physical discomfort), changing your trigger thoughts, and responding appropriately. It also breaks apart the first seven years of life and what motivates kids to behave in certain ways. Just knowing the why behind some of the behavior is helpful. This same author also has an anger control workbook that I picked up.

2. Spiritual Life. Having a healthy relationship with God has always directly effected the relationship I have with my kids, my husband, and others. My overall satisfaction with my life is dependent upon my spiritual health. And lately, I've been slacking. I need to be more intentional in my prayers and in setting time aside in the morning for this.

Resources:
Small Steps for Catholic Moms by Elizabeth Foss & Danielle Bean. For everyday of the year they give you a quote from a saint or from Scripture, a short prayer in reflection of the above quote, and then an invitation to act on this reflection. Each month has a different theme. For June the theme is Gentleness. Is that appropriate for my struggle right now or what? And I also picked up the companion journal, which invites you to reflect deeper on the overall theme for the month. 

3. Physical Health. I have been failing my body in both nutrition and physical activity. Not to mention, I do not get enough sleep because I keep forgetting to go to bed at a decent hour. All of these things lead to stress and/or physical discomfort and this stress leads to a decreased ability to manage my temper.

Resources:
Couch to 5K program. If you have ever considered running but every time you try you feel like your lungs might explode and you're shins are going to snap, this program is for you. This is a super gradual introduction to the world of running. Even at my most fit (between pregnancies 1 and 2), I refused to work on my cardio health. I just enjoyed the awesome muscle tone. I am now determined to complete this nine week program and maybe even go beyond. We shall see.

10 Minute Solution: Rapid Results Pilates. I have always loved pilates but for some reason I got away from it to change things up and then never stuck with anything after that. This is just one of those things where if it wasn't broke, I should not have tried to fix it. Stacey actually bought this DVD a few years back, after returning from an officer's training where he was forced to do pilates as part of his militray training. And he liked it so he bought his own DVD. I really like this program. There are five 10-min workouts and from the top menu you can create your own workout. I do the stretching and abs workouts every time and then I alternate between buns/thighs and arms/shoulders. I follow my run with pilates and I think it has helped keep me lose so my muscles don't cramp up in between runs.

As far as sleeping and nutrition goes: I know better, I just need to be more disciplined. If I find any resources of interest for this I'll let you know. Or if you have any suggestions, please share.

In Summary
This may seem like a lot of things to be working on at once, but I am easing into each one very slowly. In the past, I have rushed into these sorts of things just to become overwhelmed a week in. And right now is a perfect time to focus on these things as the weather is uplifting and I will not be as focused on structured schooling. By the time a new year of learning is upon us, I hope to have grown in these areas while simultaneously conquering the items on my summer plan. I realize I will not have mastered everything (summer isn't that long) but creating a strong foundation to build on is what I feel is most important right now.

Plans for Summer

I just read "A Summer Schedule" on The Homeschool Classroom and it inspired me to come up with my own plan of attack for summer. Of course the thing I look most forward to the most is a little relaxation and fresh air. Most years we end up doing way too much stuff and by the time the summer is over, we're exhausted. Last year, we purposefully did not make any plans for the summer and by the end we felt like the summer was wasted. This year, I want a happy medium. So, I'm making a plan.

Places to go

• Park days with our home school group
• Library
• Greenbluff
• Lake Coeur d'Alene 
• City pool (for swim lessons and for fun)
• The Farmers Market

Special Events

• Shannon's 6th Birthday and he actually asked for a party with his friends so we're having one for the first time. -sigh- How they grow.

Things to do with Stacey

• Sunday evenings at Arbor Crest 
• Warm afternoon dates on restaurant patios

Household Projects

• Get doors installed in basement
• Thoroughly clean kitchen (something that slipped through the cracks during Spring cleaning)

Homeschool prep for Fall

• I want to create activity boxes for Athena so she will something to do while I do one-on-one lessons with the other two
• Order the rest of our materials
• Create a few weeks worth of lesson plans

Chores to teach Shannon and Chloe

• Fold and put away own clean clothes
• Wipe down bathroom throughout week
• Get into a better chore routine with the chores they already know

Activities to do at home with kids

• Cooking: I have a couple of cookbooks that I have been meaning to crack open with the kids
• Lots of picnics to enjoy our newly baked creations
• Decorate the various glass jars I have been saving to store craft supplies in
• Teach Shannon to ride his bike (I realize many 5 year-old boys can already ride a 2-wheel bike but he just wasn't ready last summer. He has actually shown interest in learning so I have a good feeling about this year)

Creative projects of my own

• I want to give digital scrap booking a try
• Canning peaches and pears from Green Bluff

My next step is to get out the calendar and start planning on where these things can fit in. Of course I can't plan every little thing, nor would I want to, but I do want to have a rough outline.

We will continue reading over the summer and take advantage of other learning opportunities but I do want a more laid back, summer-like, feeling around the house.

Now if only it would stop raining, we could get this summer party started.

Simplifying

I have been writing a lot lately about decluttering, cleaning, organizing, etc. Originally I started this process to make life easier and less stressful for me and the rest of my family. But then I realized an even greater purpose through the reading I have been doing lately. First, A Mother's Rule of Life by Holly Pierlot. This book really got me thinking about my calling. Since God has called me to this vocation of marriage and motherhood, everything I do is for Him and should be that much easier to say "yes" to. "Yes, God, I will go do the laundry even though I would rather sit here and look at everyone's Facebook status updates." God asks this, and dozens of other tasks, of me everyday and that is a pretty awesome thing. So many people are lost out there, living with pain in their hearts, wondering what it is that God wants them to do with their lives. Well, I already know! Yet, it is sometimes so hard to just do it. So, that it something I am working on in my prayer life right now. I already know what God wants of me and that is a huge gift in and of itself.

The book that I am reading right now is called Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne. Since I have been reading a lot about cleaning and organizing, I actually thought this was another book on simpifying your home. But, this book is actually about the effect that a messy, hectic, stressful life can have on children. The funny thing is, I put this book on hold at the library about three weeks ago, because I saw it mentioned on a website along one of my web surfing adventures. Apparently, I didn't even know what the book was really about. But as I started reading it, I realized it is exactly what I need to be reading at this time.

 Shannon's occupational therapy came to an end about two weeks ago and I wasn't really sure how we were going to have to adjust for that in our everyday lives. Things have actually been working out okay with a few exceptions. Whenever Shannon watches too much TV or plays computer games, he gets all crazy eyed. He becomes irritable, gets a nasty attitude, starts hitting things/siblings. I then react with complete non sympathy and pretty much get nasty right back and then we have this great unbreakable cycle until I finally remember that I am the adult (sometimes I wonder who throws the bigger tantrums: me or my kids). Well, lately the weather has really been gross and the kids have had a lot of down time due to my own projects around the house. And they have naturally spent a lot of this time in front of the TV/computer and that has caused fighting over said TV/computer, lots of screaming, and an overall stressful tone within my family. I tried to get them to play in the toy room or do some crafts instead but they haven't seemed interested. Enter Simplicity Parenting.

So, the third chapter deals with the environment that your child lives in. He begins addressing the toy situation. Most kids do have way too many toy. Now, I am pretty proud of the fact that we do not keep many toys around after they have been played out and I go through and throw out broken toys at least once a month if not more often. But then after quantity of toys, Payne addresses the kinds of toys you keep in your home. He said that any toys that don't foster creativity or use of imagination are pretty much useless and kids get tired of them after a short time. As I was reading this, I peeked in on my kids. Do you know what toys they were playing with? Not a single one of the new toys they had received as Christmas gifts. Not a single toy that requires batteries and makes lots of awesome noise. Nope, they were both in the toy room playing with good ol' reliable Legos. They were building airplanes . . . that talk, of course. Another thing we are guilty of is something the author calls "toy multiples". When we noticed how much Shannon loved playing with his wooden train set and trains, we went out and bought even more train track and even more trains. We also thought that this way the kids wouldn't fight so much over the two or three wooden trains. Wrong! They immediately started fighting, even more so and louder, over the twenty wooden trains.

So, I will be doing a toy makeover very shortly. I am not going to just dump it all in the trash (and the author does not suggest this either) but I will be putting a lot of stuff out of sight for a while. I can't believe how many perfectly new-looking toys the kids have because they lost interest in them after only a week of use. The toys I notice that they still play with are the wooden bead maze thingy (we have had for over two years), the wooden food (old), the dolls (old), the Legos (old), the stacking toys, and several of Athena's baby toys. Kids really do like to create their own fun. They don't want a battery operated toy doing it for them. Even though Shannon asked for a battery-operated train set for Christmas, he barely ever plays with it because it is constantly falling apart or running out of battery. And it only does one thing: you push a button, it goes around and around. I am only on chapter four but the premise of the book is that kids, in general, have too much stuff, too many choices, too much information, too much in their schedules. And this can make them crazy.

Stacey and I went out last night and bought a few items in an attempt to organize the arts supplies so they are more accessible to the kids. I can't expect them to want to do art projects if they can't even see the art supplies. And I got a folding table for them to do their craft projects on so we don't have to push everything aside when we do school or want to eat a meal.

So, that is where I am on my domestic journey right now. As I was typing this, Shannon woke up a bit early so I told him while I was finishing up he could either read or play quietly. I heard him shuffling around in the family room and finally he asked me to come look at what he made.

Out of all the toys in that room, he chose the Styrofoam (from the packaging of a shelf we just bought) to play with. Yep, sounds about right.