Summer Resolutions

I was reflecting on my list of things I would like to accomplish this summer and I was feeling very optimistic. But I feel like there are a few things missing from the list in the way of personal and spiritual growth. There are some things about myself that are keeping me from true happiness and keeping me from being in full relationship with my kids, with my husband, and with God. This post may seem a bit self-centered but if I am not living up to my full potential as a mama, how can I take care of this family?

1. My temper. I am able to brush most things off. When my husband forgets about something we were supposed to do, I just simply realize that he is human, we all forget things and it is kind of silly to think that he forgot on purpose just to tick me off. And I afford this rationale to complete strangers as well. When another driver does something crazy in traffic I think, "Oh, perhaps he didn't see the sign or maybe he is lost or not familiar with the area." Nothing really phases me out and about in this great world . . .  except my own children.

Isn't that crazy? I am willing to give complete strangers the benefit of the doubt but when I ask Shannon to go get his shoes on and he doesn't do it, I fly off the handle and automatically think, "Why is he trying to make me mad?!" And that is when I yell at him and behave like a child. As I sit here typing this, I can be rational and know that Shannon simply got distracted. He was not thinking, "I really like it when my mom is mad at me so I am not going to put my shoes on." My overreactions to Shannon's behavior is my biggest struggle right now. Once I go into anger mode, it is almost impossible for me to effectively discipline him. Discipline comes from the Latin "disciplinaire" which means "to teach". It does not mean "to punish". I can not teach him to make the right choices when he is crying and upset after being yelled at.


I was recently talking to two moms, in separate circles, who seem to struggle with their anger as well and in very similar situations so I know that I am not alone in this. Not to say it is okay, just that we can help each other. Knowing that there are others like me, I wanted to list some of the resources that I am finding helpful right now in my struggle.

Resources:
Parenting with Grace: Catholic Parent's Guide to Raising almost Perfect Kids by Greg and Lisa Popcak. This is a great resource for all parents. One of the first chapters discusses how important having a good rapport with your children is. And I must say, Stacey and I are kind of awesome in this department. Even though I lose my temper and handle stressful situations poorly, my kids love being with me and doing things together because I tell them I love them about 50 times a day (probably more times actually), and I hug them and kiss them about 50 times a day, we play together, we pray together, we work together, and we rejoice in their successes. So, right away, I knew there was hope for me. The next section is pretty much techniques for everyday dicipline. The preventative maintenance if you will. And then a section on correcting behavior. And then a whole mess of awesome information after that. Even though I have read this book before, I am re-reading the first sections very slowly and carefully, with intention, and really working through it.

When Anger Hurts Your Kids by Matthew McKay. This is another book that I believe all parents could gain from. Basically anger is caused by stress and trigger thoughts so this book works on decreasing stress (which could also be any sort of physical discomfort), changing your trigger thoughts, and responding appropriately. It also breaks apart the first seven years of life and what motivates kids to behave in certain ways. Just knowing the why behind some of the behavior is helpful. This same author also has an anger control workbook that I picked up.

2. Spiritual Life. Having a healthy relationship with God has always directly effected the relationship I have with my kids, my husband, and others. My overall satisfaction with my life is dependent upon my spiritual health. And lately, I've been slacking. I need to be more intentional in my prayers and in setting time aside in the morning for this.

Resources:
Small Steps for Catholic Moms by Elizabeth Foss & Danielle Bean. For everyday of the year they give you a quote from a saint or from Scripture, a short prayer in reflection of the above quote, and then an invitation to act on this reflection. Each month has a different theme. For June the theme is Gentleness. Is that appropriate for my struggle right now or what? And I also picked up the companion journal, which invites you to reflect deeper on the overall theme for the month. 

3. Physical Health. I have been failing my body in both nutrition and physical activity. Not to mention, I do not get enough sleep because I keep forgetting to go to bed at a decent hour. All of these things lead to stress and/or physical discomfort and this stress leads to a decreased ability to manage my temper.

Resources:
Couch to 5K program. If you have ever considered running but every time you try you feel like your lungs might explode and you're shins are going to snap, this program is for you. This is a super gradual introduction to the world of running. Even at my most fit (between pregnancies 1 and 2), I refused to work on my cardio health. I just enjoyed the awesome muscle tone. I am now determined to complete this nine week program and maybe even go beyond. We shall see.

10 Minute Solution: Rapid Results Pilates. I have always loved pilates but for some reason I got away from it to change things up and then never stuck with anything after that. This is just one of those things where if it wasn't broke, I should not have tried to fix it. Stacey actually bought this DVD a few years back, after returning from an officer's training where he was forced to do pilates as part of his militray training. And he liked it so he bought his own DVD. I really like this program. There are five 10-min workouts and from the top menu you can create your own workout. I do the stretching and abs workouts every time and then I alternate between buns/thighs and arms/shoulders. I follow my run with pilates and I think it has helped keep me lose so my muscles don't cramp up in between runs.

As far as sleeping and nutrition goes: I know better, I just need to be more disciplined. If I find any resources of interest for this I'll let you know. Or if you have any suggestions, please share.

In Summary
This may seem like a lot of things to be working on at once, but I am easing into each one very slowly. In the past, I have rushed into these sorts of things just to become overwhelmed a week in. And right now is a perfect time to focus on these things as the weather is uplifting and I will not be as focused on structured schooling. By the time a new year of learning is upon us, I hope to have grown in these areas while simultaneously conquering the items on my summer plan. I realize I will not have mastered everything (summer isn't that long) but creating a strong foundation to build on is what I feel is most important right now.